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Why is it that some people are not able to be honest within a relationship?

February 15, 2016 6:11 am | Published by | Leave your thoughts

Being honest with your true thoughts and feelings can be terrifying. Even though honesty is a respected virtue, some people still find it difficult to express themselves honestly in their relationships.

Why is this the case?

This is because they are unknowingly threatened and terrified by the unpleasant consequences that honesty may bring into their relationships and into their lives. Many people are terrified that the judgements and opinion of their partner may be disapproving. Fear then becomes the motivating force that drives the relationship, creating anxiety about the things that they do, what they say, how they dress, what they eat, and what they think. This inhibits them from freely expressing their true thoughts and feelings.

A happy and successful relationship should provide a safe environment where you are not fearful or intimidated to be who you truly are. If you cannot express yourself freely in your relationship because of the fear of judgement from your partner, then you will feel unimportant and slowly lose self-esteem. You will lose your true self.

Honesty is the foundation for a rewarding and fulfilling relationship. The irony is that most people want their partner to be totally honest with them, but the rules change when being honest with their partner may lead to conflict and rejection.

How things can get worse over time…

According to Women’s Health magazine, couples lie to each other an average of three times a week, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, according to a recent study soon to be published in the journal Communication Quarterly.

Researchers looked at how often people expressed affection toward their partners even when they weren’t genuinely feeling it—otherwise known as deceptive affection. This could be anything from complimenting your guy’s haircut when you actually think it’s heinous to kissing him goodbye even when you’re really pissed. For the most part, deception was used to help maintain the relationships. And according to researchers, these little white lies are pretty harmless.

However, the other side of the argument is supported by Albert Einstein who has said

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters”.

So next time you think of telling a little white lie think again as it could lead to dishonestly on bigger issues. Changes often occur in our lives that alter the dynamics of our relationships. This may cause couples to lie and drift apart physically and emotionally.

It can be a serious issue for some couples and families, especially if the lie is about an infidelity. Other lies could be in the following areas; relational issues, sexual issues, negative thoughts, negative behaviours, differences, financial issues, or insecurities.


Through the process of counselling, we can explore what has caused this dishonest relationship to occur and progressively work towards bringing back that lost closeness and making the overall quality of your relationship happier and more rewarding.


For further enquiries call, email or text Helen on 0415 392 009

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